


Someday Will the Briars Yield?

by queenoffruits



Category: Maria-sama ga Miteru
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Future Fic, Gen, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-03 10:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenoffruits/pseuds/queenoffruits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I decided I would put it to slumber, quietly and eternally. So even now, this forest presents an unyielding rampart of briars, and continues to deny entry from the outside.  And it will probably do until the time of my death ... If this is what I have to suffer, I will never yearn for another person again."<br/>-- Satou Sei</p>
<p>Years after her graduation, Satou Sei has been single since the tender age of 16, but when Mizuno Youko moves back to Tokyo and the seeds of an unexpected romance between Sei and her co-worker Takeshima Tsutako are planted, will Sei finally let someone enter her healed but caged heart?</p>
<p>A look into some of the lives of the Lillians maidens who hold onto one another without drifting apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Maidens of the Red Slope - Sei's Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shadowblight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowblight/gifts).



The ever green trees had a fresh, crisp vibrant vitality, their green leaves a piece of eternal summer. They were ever the reminder that the brisk, cold day of grey winter skies would eventually come to an end. Outside, people kept warm, nestled up in the care of winter wear, gloves, coats. Standing up from my office desk, I took one last look at my electric picture frame to see the black haired Rosa Canina, captured in a moment of song. That brought back memories, and with them, a wistful smile. I haven't seen her in ... what was it now, six years? Kanina never did come back from Italy, so nowadays it's been hard for me to keep in touch with her except through twitter and the like.

Flicking off the frame before it could change photos and putting on a tan winter coat and throwing a scarf around my neck, I stepped out of my corner office to be greeted by my receptionist as always. “Good evening, sir. Thank you for all the hard work,” she said, with a bow.

My name is Satou Sei. I graduated from Lillian's Girls' University three years ago with a major in English Literature. These days, I'm the manager of a promotions department for Red Slope at our home office in Akasaka, Tokyo. We're a medium sized book publisher, but my department doesn't work with the books so much. We have a lot of connections with the talk show circuit and experience putting together promotional events, and anymore we're almost as much a talent agency and event organizer company as we are a publisher.

The girl with the black side-tail in front of me is my receptionist, Susumu Rin. .

“Are you coming out for drinks tonight?” She was asking me, even if she was turned away from me, getting her coat.

“Yeah, sure, even though _I know_ buying you drinks won't get me anywhere with you.” I bump shoulders with her, verbally yanking on her chain with my brash flirtations.

“That's sexual harassment, sir.” Susumu said as she pulled her coat on.

“Sorry, sorry.” I bowed. I knew Susumu didn't _really_ mind. She just liked poking at me with it. It was part of our dynamic, and one of the reasons I liked her; she'd put up with my teasing. “Who else is coming?”

Susumu tilted her head in faux consideration. “Oh, most of us really. I'm sure you'll be glad to know both Tsutako and Yoshino are coming.”

Oh? It was uncommon for both of those girls to come on the same night. No big reasons, really. The news made me grin brightly, and since Susumu was right about it, I chimed in response, “Bingo~”

 

***

 

The maidens who once flocked to the Virgin Mary's garden long ago passed through those tall gates with their smiles innocent and angelic, their pure hearts and deep-colored uniforms have passed into adulthood. _Though they no longer wear those pleated skirts, though they walk through a faster paced world now, they still walk with grace and serenity._

Lillians Alumni... eternal maidens.

 

***

 

“Way to go, Yoshino~” I laughed, shutting the door to our private room behind the three of us (Tsutako got distracted with 'a great photo op' outside). Yoshino just had the men around her finger sometimes with that 'good girl' act of hers. 'Oh, we'd love to have a few drinks with you some time, but tonight we're all here, so please understand, we'd really like to get some good 'girl talk' done. … We can't talk about men if they're with us can we? Hehe.' The gall that girl has. I gotta hand it to her, she's got her wits. The way she put things, it was hard for the boys to tell her no.

“I wanna see Rei react to you saying we're going to talk about men.” I said with a grin, settling down into my chair.

“I don't.” Yoshino said as she plopped down, with nothing else to say about the matter. I think I knew what was going on in her head though. I know Rei isn't the jealous type, so that can't be it, but she's never stopped being protective of Yoshino. She'd probably be more concerned about Yoshino leading them on than anything.

I can see it right now, Rei raising her voice, 'What if they get the wrong idea!?'

“How's business going anyway?” Susumu asked, pausing her MP3 player and pulling out an earphone as she settled down.

“It's alright right now, but it'll be great around the end of the month. December's always a good month for us since lots of people will buy Christmas Cake.” Yoshino answered, pose and posture pretty much perfect. That's one of the reasons why I helped Yoshino get a job in our office; I knew she'd was the perfect fit. The other reason is, of course, because she's Yoshino. How could I not help?

Yoshino is an office lady in the publishing department. Young, cute, coy, capable of being a nice demure girl... She's broken a couple of hearts in the office. Being the nice, perfect seeming lady when you're promised to another will do that. She and Rei have been together for, what... I don't know. Twenty-three years? They were neighbors their whole lives until they moved in together a few years back.

They're lucky, those two. I get that Yoshino doesn't like it when Rei smothers her (that's why she wanted a job outside the bakery, so she could get away from Rei; what an old married couple) but I think she takes what she has for granted...

“Alright, I'm here so the party can start now!” With a flick of her wrist, Tsutako flicked the door shut as fast as she had opened it, then sat down next to me, putting her camera on the table.

Susumu looked at Tsutako when she came in, but at what Tsutako had to say, well, she tossed her head aside, nose in the air. “Who said we were waiting for you~?” She pressed a button on the intercom. “A glass of the Cabernet please.”

We all ordered in turn.

“Hey boss, check out these photos I got.” Tsutako fiddled with her digital camera. Among the four of us, Tsutako's the newest hire at Red Slope. A newbie of almost three months for now, doing photography and graphic design and all that. She's also a Lillians' girl, but I didn't really know her too well during my school years besides as a newspaper club paparazzi. Despite being _preeeetty_ high profile during high school we didn't cross paths _too_ much. I think Yoshino saw more of her in high school. I know Yumi did. The girl's enthusiastic and has a good head on her shoulders. Earnest, but with _just_ enough hook to her crook.

The first photos she showed me were of a salary man, shoulders sulked, staring into a mostly empty glass. Then of a few old dapper gentlemen clinking glasses together at a bar stand.

My favorite might have been the the guy with his hand on a woman's shoulder, trying to get her to turn back and look at him again. I wonder what he did to her. Poor … both of them, really. “You always have had a knack for catching emotional moments, haven't you. There's always something … intimate about your photography.”

“It's so nice for an _artist_ when someone else _understands_ her work!” Tsutako all but stapled her hand to her forehead during that hammed up reaction.

“You should take some more intimate photos of me.” I couldn't help but want to flirt with her.

“Ohh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?” Tsutako turned to face me full on, looking me straight in the eyes. Atta girl! Doubling down and flirting back~! That's why you're so fun to flirt with, Tsutako! I gave a little, “Heh,” before Susumu interrupted,

“Get a room, please.”

“Let me see next.” Yoshino adeptly diffused the situation by distracting Tsutako, who turned to hand her the camera. Boo~

But whatever. Our server came in and brought our drinks. Susumu ordered wine. Yoshino had a cocktail. Tsutako wanted hard cider. Myself? Beer.

“Cheers!” We all clinked our glasses together, and so a lively evening of conversation began.

 

 

“Yoshino, you need to read this book Satou lent me.” Susumu said, drumming a chopstick silently in the air.

Looking out the window, Yoshino sipped from some bright blue concoction before she answered. “I don't know. Sei and I have different taste in books usually.” It's true, Yoshino reads a lot of medieval Japanese fiction and young mens' light novels while I read a lot of literature and … well, light novels, but not the ones for young men usually.

“No, you'll like this one. It's a western, from a series called Lonesome Dove. It has outlaws and train robberies, sheriffs and gun fights. It's very exciting.” Susumu continued, pointing the top of her chopsticks at Yoshino the way one might point at someone with a folded fan.

Hah. That turned Yoshino's head right around. Her attention snapped right to what Susumu was saying? “Really? Tell me more.”

 

 

“So I did some quick thinking and realized we weren't far from the airport, so I kiiiinda lied and told the officer I was only speeding 'cause I was afraid of missing a flight and he let me go!!” I laughed grin, scratching the back of my head. “I thought I was screwed too! Am I charming or lucky or what?”

“To answer that rhetorical question: both.” said Tsutako, holding her cider out toward me. I knocked my beer against it. Clink. “Way to go, Satou.”

Susumu interrupted, gaze switching back and forth between Tsutako and me, one eyebrow arched up, the other sloped down, her jaw slightly agape. “ **Kind of** lied?”

Tsutako and I just laughed... I think Yoshino stifled a little giggle.

 

 

“So lately there's this man who comes by the bakery _every day_ and buys _just one little thing_. I don't like it.” Yoshino said, clacking her glass down on the table, freeing her hand so she could cross her indexes. Bzzzt!!

Susumu lifted a tilted hand up, as if to say, 'oh come on.' “But it's good for business, isn't it? Put your jealousy aside. You're reading into it too much.”

“No, I know that look in his eyes. He's coming for _my Rei!_ ” Yoshino whined, balling her fists up in front of her.

“Yoshino,” I say, reaching across the table to give her shoulder a little squeeze. “ **Chill out.** I bet Rei doesn't even know his name.” Hehe... oh Rei. “That girl has eyes for you alone.”

But despite everything, Yoshino still stewed over it. Hehe... oh Yoshino.

 

 

It wasn't long before Yoshino had returned to her 'nice' persona. The first one of us to leave tonight was Susumu, leaving it as just us Lillians' alumni.

“So are you excited, Sei?” Yoshino asked me, leaning forward, eyes full of expectation.

I was pretty sure I knew what she was talking about, but playing dumb was fun if you only did it a little. “Huh? About whaaaat~?”

“You know 'what!' Youko!” Yoshino answered back instantly. Way to feed the trolls, heh.

“Of course I am! Youko's my BFF! We're having lunch the day after she moves in.” I say and _grin_ with a toothy smile. I got real nice pearly whites.

Youko and I are... good friends. Even if our relationship is a little complicated. I'm pretty sure that back in the day she had feelings for me. Don't know if that's true any more. She's been gone for a few years, working as a lawyer in Osaka. But you know Youko and me, we stayed in touch. A lot of the old Yamayuri Council crew stays in touch.

“Wait wait, back up.” Tsutako all but butted her head between me and Yoshino, glancing at each of us as she asked, “Youko? As in Rosa Chinensis?”

“Pfft. Hahahahah, Tsutako! She hasn't been 'Rosa Chinensis' _for years!_ ” I exclaimed and gave her a little slap on the back.

“I know that, but there's still a part of me that thinks of her that way.” Tsutako came back at me with a playful slap to my shoulder.

“You don't think of me as Rosa Gigantea any more, do you?” She better not.

“Or me as Rosa Foetida” Yoshino chimed in.

“No, I think of _you_ as Satou Sei, and _you_ ” Tsutako pointed at Yoshino, “as Rosa Foetida _en Bouton._ ”

I laughed. Tsutako had such a coy look in her eyes with that slight tilt of her head. Yoshino was trying to bottle in her fuming, I could tell. You got told, Yoshino, haha~

I didn't give Yoshino a ruffle at her shoulder this time. She'd just think I was patronizing her. “You and Rei are gonna help out though, right?” With the moving, I meant.

“Well, Rei will probably be more help than I.” Yoshino answered, eyes gazing downward and away. I bet her fingers are laced _tight_ on her lap. Well, whatever, she'll be over it in 10 minutes.

 

 

And so the night went on and wound down. We all had to leave sooner than later; there was yet another day of work tomorrow... we paid our bill and left (Susumu left her share when she cut out early) and we all went our separate ways at the train station. Once we were outside it was nice chance for me to light up a cigarette. It's a little vice I've picked up in the business world, but my craving for it isn't so strong that I take regular smoke breaks. I'd never hotbox Yoshino.

Just a few more days until the end of the week. Then I'd see Youko.


	2. The Lady In Waiting - Youko's Story

It was a long and trying drive from Osaka. I'd been on the road in a bulky moving truck all this time, and it was a little nerve wracking, to be honest. I felt stiff and stale, especially in the legs. I was looking forward to getting out of this car.

Really, I have to wonder why I wanted to try this in the first place? I had the right idea the first time I moved, I think: pay someone else to do all this. Oh well. Listening to the GPS on my phone telling me to get off the high way, I knew this too would soon pass. Although I was moving into a new apartment, I felt as if I had finally come home.

My name is Mizuno Youko. I'm a lawyer … a defender, to be precise. It's hard work in a country such as this, where the conviction rate is so high, but I think it suits me. I like to think I'm good with people. I don't have a difficult time trying to imagine things from other people's perspectives, and once I know someone for a while, I can be rather insightful... It's not _all_ good, though. Some people find it a vexing quality.

When I pulled up in the moving van I thought I'd be able to stretch my legs, but I had to park this troublesome van. With some signaling from my friends, however, I managed to parallel park the vehicle. I had a relieved if tired smile on my face when I got out of the van and gave my friends hugs.

Sei, Rei and Yoshino came to help me. They had mentioned that... their co-worker Takeshima Tsutako, the former Lillians' paper photographer, could help but I didn't want to impose.

I say that it was Sei, Rei and Yoshino, but there were a couple of hired hands, courtesy of Sachiko. Sachiko and Yumi still live here, but they couldn't come. They're on a trip together... though they'd be back in time for New Years. We have plans to have another New Years celebration; we revived it several years ago and made it something of an annual tradition.

Yumi actually works for Sachiko now. Her job title is 'Personal Assistant,' though... ohh, what was it that Sei said? 'The little darling is more like Sachiko's pet dog.' An amusing thought, and one perhaps close to the truth, but... not disparaging. Sei meant it with a certain sort of off color affection. We both think they're very lucky.

It was nice to have everyone take care of this business for me, to just carry a thing or two and tell people where I wanted things. Sei and Rei didn't have to do too much. I had Sachiko's hired help take care of the greater burden, and we, especially Rei, all saw to it that Yoshino didn't have to do anything too strenuous. Sei was fun, helpful even, Rei was reliable as always, and Yoshino was always a delight. Even as a young adult, she has a youthful precociousness. Sometimes I wish I could say the same for myself.

After everything was moved in, I left a bag in my bedroom with my absolute necessities. The men Sachiko sent had already been paid and left on their own.

“I saw to it the utilities got turned on for you, just like you asked.” Sei said and plopped down into one of my chairs. I thanked her, a little bit of warmness in my voice...

I bowed to my friends, but more for Yoshino and Rei than Sei. I know she's not one for formalities. It's a relaxing quality, actually. “If you'd like to stay, I'll put on some tea for you. We can order something to go.” The house was empty of food, save for a cake, home made by Rei. Yoshino said she helped out too. I'd have to pretend to be surprised later … I was bad and sneaked a peek inside the box. Written on it in chocolate, it said, 'Welcome Home, Youko.' It was so sweet I had to shut the box. I'm not one who cries often, but I could feel an emotional tightness welling in my chest. “We can have cake for dessert.”

As for the tea, that was a house warming gift from Sei.

Rei paused. “I'd love to, but doesn't someone have to return the van? I could take care of it.”

Rei... you're so capable, thoughtful... but I shook my head. “Please, you've done me a service already. Don't worry about it. Besides, it's late enough already that I'll pay for another day no matter what. I'll handle it tomorrow.”

Yoshino looked over at some of the boxes set down in the kitchenette. “I'll take care of the tea. Which boxes are things in?” Yoshino's way of helping, I'm sure, since we didn't let her move too many things. Though the role of a proper hostess might have been to decline and thank her for her courtesy, I didn't. After all, I was still fatigued, and it's good for people to know they're helpful so long as you appreciate them properly.

We spoke over tea, reminiscing over old times, and looking forward to all the things we could do together now that I was here, but the natural flow of things was interrupted when dinner, mostly rice bowls, was delivered. As we started to eat, I changed the topic of conversation. “Yoshino, Rei, how is the wedding planning going?”

“It's going well. The space is reserved, for next spring, just as we wanted.” Rei smiled and _glowed_ , putting an arm over Yoshino. “We haven't quite settled on what to wear, though.”

“We could if you'd just tell me what you really wanted to wear already.” Yoshino whined a little even as she nestled up under Rei's arm … that girl, saying such a thing as that while being affectionate with her lover. What a character she was.

“I told you, it doesn't matter to me what I'm wearing, and you're going to be beautiful no matter what we settle on.” Rei reasoned, crooning her head down toward the smaller girl.

“Yoshino keeps flip flopping on whether she wants a western wedding ceremony or a Japanese one.” When Sei explained that detail to me, it all made sense. I imagine Yoshino can't decide what kind of dress to wear... _and_ whether she wants to see Rei in a tuxedo or a something more traditional. Sei turned her head to address Rei. “I'm telling you, Rei, you should just pick one over the other already.” I'm sure Sei would rather wear a suit.

“It's not just that, though. Can you believe she wants to bake the cake for _her own_ wedding?” Yoshino piped up, slipping out from under Rei's arm.

“But I want you to eat _my_ cake on our wedding day.” Rei protested, hand at the framing of Yoshino's face, trying to get her to look at her...

… But Yoshino would have none of that, pushing Rei's hand away., pouting a little even as she relented. “Well, it sounds good when you put it like that, even if I eat your baking all the time. Fine, you can do it, but if we're too busy we're ordering a cake from someone else. I don't want you stressing out about baking before our wedding.”

“I think it sounds like a wonderful idea for her to bake it.” I offered up, looking at them both. I was unable to keep my eyes off of them, save for a knowing glance over at Sei as I tried to smooth things out. “You should feel lucky. How many brides can say their partner baked their wedding cake?”

“That _also_ sounds good when you put it like that...” Yoshino admitted before taking a full breath and gathering her composure to return to proper 'nice Yoshino' poise.

Though the food was nothing spectacular, the company made the dinner wonderful.. and the dessert was delicious. Afterward, however, things began to wind down, and Yoshino and Rei retired for the evening, leaving me alone with Sei, who continued to lounge about... which was fine, I suppose. We got a few more things around the house done, mostly just a little more unpacking, but we settled down on the couch.

“Have you seen the photos Eriko sent out today?” Sei chuckled, digging into her pants pocket to pull out her phone.

“No, but it's her and her husband, no doubt. Show me.” I scooted little closer to Sei so I could see. A few taps and flicks of her fingers and there it was: Eriko in a maternity dress, a big smile on her face as she clung around the arm of a short but stocky man. Not fat, just sturdy. His smile was just as big as her. “He'll be coming any time now.”

Not long after college Eriko met this man, Ichiro Minami, an Okinawan pearl diver. I always knew she'd marry something of a character. It's just like her to. He's a kind and earnest man. They married within six months.

“I miss her. Minami took our Eriko from us, don't you think?” Sei leaned and jutted a little closer as she feigned offense.

“Perhaps but it was her choice to make, and I'm glad she did. I'm happy for her.” I said with a shake of my head. I really did mean everything I said, but I did have a small unspoken jealousy buried in my heart. It was, however, only a small one.

“So do you miss Osaka?” Sei asked, her voice turning more quiet and reserved. Relaxed, almost somber in its low energy. I've known Sei for a long time, and as a person she's changed a great deal. In our freshman year she was much more quiet, like this.

I looked at Sei, sitting on the other side of the couch. It was wide enough for three people, but Sei and I naturally sat on opposite ends of it. “Of course I left behind new friends and a life in Osaka, but a few years there wasn't enough to leave me too torn between worlds. I've spent most of my life here. This is where I belong.”

“Good. I'm glad you feel that way, even after leaving.” Sei continued in that same, soft tone. I know she's hoping I'll continue to feel that way, that I'm not looking back on this city with homesick, rose tinted glasses. Many people may not realize but she's a compassionate person.

My goodness, my neck and shoulders felt like a board. In other company I might have excused myself and took a few minutes in privacy, but with Sei I simply started tilting my head far to one side, reaching up to knead the exposed neck and shoulder. “Ohh...” That felt nice, and yet... “Sei, rub my shoulders, won't you...?”

“?” She paused for flickering moment, then turned to face me full on. “Sure thing. Turn your back to me.”

I did as she asked, murmuring a little thank you her hands perched upon my shoulders and began to knead and loosen me up. I closed my eyes and just let go. I could feel relief fan from Sei's fingers as she squeezed.

I wished it would last forever, but eventually she patted my back. “Feel better?”

Taking a slow breath, I nodded, eyes still closed. “Yes, thank you.”

With most of the tension worked out of my shoulders, Sei and I conversed over little things, but as we kept regular correspondence, we didn't have to 'catch up' with one another, and as conversation tapered off into quiet, she pulled out a pocket book. I myself got up to finish plugging in my computer and went to check a few things online...

“Hey, do you mind if I smoke?” Sei asked. I turned to look over my shoulder to see her already pulling her pack out.

Yes, I did mind. To be perfectly honest, I didn't like that habit she's picked up, and even if the scent of the cigarettes she smoked wasn't as distasteful as others, I still didn't want it lingering in my new home. “If you must, please do it on the balcony.”

“But it's cold out there.” She gave a small protest, but I knew that tone of voice. She was simply kidding around. And now, that distant look in her eyes. She's thinking, about whether to go out to smoke or not. About whether to leave or stay. That's what I expect anyway. She'll probably go out for her bad habit. Yes, there she is, standing up right now. “I'll be back in a few minutes.”

The balcony's sliding glass door slid open, then closed, separating us with a clear layer of insulated glass. If I turned to the left, I could see her, Satou Sei, leaning on the balcony rail, her cigarette glowing orange in the evening. Sei was so near by and yet the two of us were doing our own separate things... and why not? She and I were more than familiar enough that this wasn't uncomfortable. After all, I was used to Sei keeping a certain distance from me. From anyone, truly, but sometimes I felt that though she allowed me to be closer to than many people, perhaps anyone else, there was still a briar tightly wound around her.

I looked away from her again. My chest felt tight, restrained. A familiar, if old, feeling, one that I hadn't felt in quite some time. I felt it as undirected pangs of loneliness sometimes in Osaka, but this was the worst it had been in some time… I breathed deep, pulling in air and expanding myself, as if to break the intangible binding locked tight around me. The act brought a little bit of relief, though the heaviness was still in my heart... a little less in my neck though, thanks to Sei.

Sei and I have a complicated relationship, but it's one that we're both accustomed to. We went so far as to take the long train ride to see each other on some special occasions... To be perfectly honest, though I missed my friend, the distance was strangely comfortable.

I had hoped when I saw Sei again that this feeling would be gone. When Yoshino and Rei were here, it _was_ absent, but when it was just the two of us in the calm privacy of my home... this old yearning still ached. This was a feeling I'd gotten used to around Sei, and I knew I could cope with it. It was something that I've come to accept as part of our relationship: if I stay close to Sei, I'll always feel this way sometimes.

This feeling was absent too when I was in Osaka, where there was a sensible reason for why Sei and I couldn't be together, but now that I've moved back the thing that keeps me from being with Sei is Sei herself. Sei, my friend whom I am certain has realized my feelings, yet has never acted on them. Of course she hasn't; before she wasn't ready for a relationship. Shiori wounded her so terribly.

I can't tell whether she's ready now or not. With time, I think I'll know, but even if she was, that could just as easily end with my hopes dashed as it could with them fulfilled. I'm a happy woman, but like many people, not _entirely_ fulfilled. It's lonely, having feelings for someone who can't return them... and for some reason, I've never felt interested in anyone else... It's as if Sei took my heart by accident, does nothing with it, and I can't seem to take it back.

Oh, Sei. If you only knew... In some ways, _you_ are _my_ Shiori.


	3. The Shadow Of A Smile - Tsutako's Story

Before me was an image from the past: old wooden buildings, lit paper lanterns, men and women wearing traditional Japanese clothing, beckoning you to patron their food carts and hole in the wall restaurants. Cramped bars and noodle shops, occupied by a small majority of older men in older styles... It was something resembling not the way things looked in the years after the war as it was, but instead the way people nowadays _felt_ it was. The blues and purples of twilight were the finishing touches to the cool, nostalgic atmosphere.

A man and woman eating rice bowls. Click! Two men playing shogi. Click! Focusing on one subject after another, I squeezed the remote shutter button, my camera on a tripod. Like this I moved from image to image, just picking up my camera, tripod and all.

My name is Takeshima Tsutako. I'm a photographer and graphic artist. For a pretty long time I was freelance, but I lucked out and just happened to run into some old acquaintances from high school and landed a regular gig. I guess it really is all about connections. How do I feel about 'the working world?' Hmm, well it's not as free and exciting as being freelance, but the regular meal ticket _is pretty nice._ It's not so bad though. It helps that a lot of what I do is what I love.

I'm still doing freelance on the side too. Yeah, I'm a busy woman~ Always on the move, doing work, seeing friends, taking photos. I've photographed weddings, portraits, models, put together magazine and online ads... a couple of my photos have been in gossip rags and even one was in a legitimate newspaper. All in all, I'd say my professional career is growing well.

Friends? I have friends, mostly other artists, but through my co-workers I've gotten back in contact with my high school buddy, Yumi Fukuzawa. But maybe my best friend is my camera, and my one true love my art. After all, no man or woman can tie me down, but I don't think I could ever get away from my camera even if I tried.

I've crushed on a few girls, and I even when on a couple of dates with a few guys. There were fun, but it confirmed for me that I really just am not interested in men.

Fun. That's what I like in a partner. I guess I've only ever had casual romance. I've been single for a while now, and it's got its pros and cons. It's not bad for someone independent like me, but even I get lonely sometimes. I bet I'd be lonelier if I wasn't such a busybody.

... There is someone I like though...

 

***

 

I looked down at the plain manilla envelope in my hand as I walked down the office hall. These things are so bland. I just want to put some stickers on them or something. Like some photo booth photos or some shiny stars, something... but would that be unprofessional? Whatever, I walked up to Susumu's desk to deliver the envelope to Susumu's desk, but as I rounded the corner and saw her, I stopped. Susumu was _singing_. Quietly, but audibly, her lips whispered out an upbeat tune, head and shoulders bouncing and swaying. I couldn't clearly make out the words. She was soft and it being in what I'm pretty sure was English didn't help any, but I did recognize the word 'love' in there.

Our eyes met... Aaaand she kept on going at it. I quickly darted my hand into my breast pocket and pulled out a little camera, but by the time _even I_ snapped the shot she stopped singing. Instead of a photo of the girl's mirth, I got one of her flustered shock at the sight of my camera, eyes wide and hands rising up, fingers still half poised to type. Heh, I'll settle for that.

“What do you think you're doing?” Susumu asked stiffly, straightening her posture, spine standing still as stone.

I approached her desk, setting the manilla envelope down on it. “I think I'll call it, 'Ice Queen In Spring.' ” I said, turning around my camera I to Susumu her own shocked expression, making her cross her arms and turn aside.

“It's **winter.** ” She said, bluntly.

“But you were like a little songbird in spring~” I came back it her with a sing songy voice.

“What did you come for, Takeshima?” She asked, then shook her head, shaking off her irritation and going back to the gentle smile she had when she was singing. She sure was happy today.

“I brough the--” Satou's door opened up before I finished, and I gave Susumu a quick, “nevermind,” before waving to Satou with my camera. “Boss, check this photo out.”

“Haha, way to go, Tsutako!” Sei grinned at the photo and lifted a hand into the air. I high fived her as she passed by. Susumu shook her head again. Snatching up the envelope again I went after Satou. “I got the prints you asked for,” I told her, catching up to her, side by side, I handed the envelope over.

She took it from me, not stopping for a second. “Thank you, merci, grazie~ Now I'm off to a meeting~”

“Okay~” I responded, stopping and, after a pause, turned back to Susumu, had a crooked smile on her face, even as she rolled her eyes. “So you're in a good mood today huh? Did something good happen?”

With a smile, Susumu turned her head to the side, staring out the window. I glanced over but didn't see anything but city. “... Well...” She said, then turned back to me. Oh wow, she's blushing! “I had a good date last night. I won't be having a lonely Christmas Eve this year.”

“You're blushing.” I whipped my camera up and took blind a snapshot. I glanced down at it ; not a great photo but I did catch Susumu's flush face.

She brought a palm up and buried her forehead in it. “Do you ever stop taking pictures?”

Yes, I do. “Photographer~” I quipped, giving her a little wave.

“It's perfectly natural for people to blush when they're thinking about someone they like. Don't you?” Susumu grumbled as she glanced out the window again.

I glanced up for a moment in thought. “Hmmmm. Some people, I guess. Do I? I dunno. I don't look at my face when I'm spoony.”

Susumu thrust a finger out at me. “Well think about someone you like.” Was that a demand!? Hahahah...

“Well~” … why not? I went ahead and did it. Maybe I'm caught in Susumu's rhythm, but this conversation was giving me a little buzz~ It was fun. “Okay...” I said, closing my eyes.

It was easy to envision her. We saw each other all the time. We saw each other just a minute ago! … Satou Sei. Tall, thin... that short boyish hair was cute and her devil may care attitude was a hoot. She knows how to flirt too. Maybe I'm a little caught up in her rhythm, to be honest... she flirts and drops hints but... she never makes any decisive move. I wonder why. It flusters me a little when she flirts but I always try to double down and flirt back. I like that dynamic...

“Who are you thinking of?” Susumu's voice rolled out in honest curiosity.

“Who said I'm thinking of anyone?” I answered, smiling as I continued to imagine her behind the curtains of my eyes. Satou has a charming smile.

“Your face. You're blushing.” She answered. My eyes fluttered opened. I expected her to have a smug smile but... she actually just plain looked... happy. Happy for herself, maybe, or happy to see me happy. Could be both. I quickly snapped a picture of myself and looked at it to confirm. … I wash blushing, just a little.

I never did tell her I was interested in our boss.

 

***

 

There were a couple of questions that I'd been pondering over this week on the run up to Christmas Eve. Not that I've been consumed by them, just fancies of my mine. Was Satou into me? Should I ask her out? Even though she's my boss? We definitely don't have what I'd think of as a 'normal' boss/employee relationship. She doesn't really have that with a lot of us in the office. I guess it all came down to was would it be awkward if she shot me down. Maybe Yoshino would have some insight...

Nah, I'd rather not. I can deal with this myself. Besides, I know that even if Satou rejected me, I'd deal with it. I'm not so much into her that it would break my heart, and it's not so hard to be the one doing the rejecting. At least, that's what I think.

It didn't start as anything special. No cute lead ins, nothing of the romance-story sort. On a work day I just asked Satou she had plans for lunch, and since the answer was no, we ended up eating together on the roof. We chatted about work, about the city, books and photos and how her new kitten kept skittering into her boots to hide from her bigger, fatter cat... and eventually I just, you know, asked her.

I was standing next to her on the roof, leaning out on the guard rail. Sei was standing up straight, so I looked up at her. “Hey, you doing anything on Christmas Eve?”

“Mm?” She paused and looked down on me, her smile shallowing. “ … No. I don't have any plans.” Those words were the thread of hope that kept my heart from sinking into my stomach... but, after another pause, she smiled again with that familiar brash crook to her lips she threw an arm over my shoulder, hanging over me. “Tsutako, are you asking me on a holiday date?”

Now that was the side of Satou that excited me. My it was like a quick gust of wind into my sails, pushing me to return Satou's own style. “Ding ding. You got it.”

And then... the smile fell right off her face, and my sails _sagged._ Sei's weight lifted from me a little, arm still on me, but no longer was she leaning into me... the loss of weight however brought no relief with it. Her eyes, cast down at me, studied me for a second, glanced at the city... then looked back down at me again. … wishing I could tell what she was thinking, I braced myself for her coming rejection...

“Can I think about it tonight?” Satou asked me, looking down at me with a tilt of her head, blinking her eyes with this gentle, if... distant look in them...

I don't think I've ever seen that look in her eyes before. Really, I didn't know what to think. It was better than a no? She wasn't just trying to soften the blow was she? I could deal with it if she said no. I would be—no, I _was_ dejected, but it wouldn't be such a big deal if she just said no. I gathered up some dregs of cheer inside, slipping out from under her arm and telling her, “Don't lose any sleep over it.”

She smiled, just a little, at me. I'm not sure why she did, nor am I sure why it did make me feel a little bit better.

… but what really made me feel better was when Satou stopped by my desk the next day. Well, let me back up, when she first came by I felt a little tense. Or maybe like the air around me got thicker. I greeted her, wondering if she was here about work or play. In the scarce privacy of the cubicle walls she gave me that rare small smile for a second day in a row. “Where did you want to go?” _That_ was what made me feel better!

“Uh.” I thought about this, but I stumbled. Not to lack confidence but after yesterday I was half expecting her to never bring it up again. If you were going to tell me yes, why couldn't you have just done it yesterday!? But I gave a giddy, “haha,” before looking up at her, trying to put an earnest sparkle in my eyes. ”Disneyland?”

“Ahaha, Disneyland, on Christmas Eve?” Satou threw her head back as she laughed, smile widening for a fleeting moment. “I like it, you big kid.” She said, ruffling my hair.

“Hey...!” I quickly pushed her hand away and gave Satou a slap on the wrist.. “Don't mess up my hair at work~”

On went that wild grin of her's again. “Alright, I'll do it _after_ work.” Oh, this woman! 

… But, after a second, Satou's grin diminished softly again. A part of me pondered the meaning behind that, but that part was small, drowned out by the rest of me, so excited I could cheer.

 

***

 

Satou and I met up at the train station that morning. I got there a little early, but she was right on time. Thank goodness, too. There was a bit of a chill in the air. I wore a coat but maybe I should have put on a scarf, like Satou had. We both wore some sporty downy jackets and jeans, which, funny enough, meant we matched. I mean, not in color, but in style~

It was a good thing we bought our tickets online ahead of time, 'cause there was a **ton** of people. … and maybe I'm silly to me all the couples around us kinda made it feel like that's what we were today, a couple, not just a pair of girls on a first date. In line we chit chatted; how's the weather, have you ever been here before? We both had, as kids, and once we were through the checkpoint and set loose on the park, it was hard for me not to feel a little bit like a kid again. There was so much for us to do~!

 

 

The street just past the gates was lined with shops built in homage to an old English style, memorabilia in their frosted windows. Tinsel bounced from lamppost to lamppost, bulbs radiating red, glimmering green. I just had to whip out my camera and start taking snapshots. The children staring in the windows with that awe unique to child like innocence! A couple holding hands through mittens! The tree! Oh wow the tree. Sitting in the middle of everything, it was as tall as the shops and covered in shining lights and sparkling ornaments. 

“Not to spoil your fun but hey, aren't you going to pay any attention to me?” Satou chided with a cocked grin. I snapped a picture of it, and she threw her head back, shaking it, but smiling all the while.

“You're right. Come here.” I answered, and without missing a beat I cast an arm around her waist and cinched against her, casting my other arm out to snap a shot of the two of us in front of a festive storefront. Selfies! Click!

When I looked at the camera I was in for a shock. “Oh wow you're surprised!” She had this straightened out posture and wide eyed expression. While not the most flattering photo, I liked the candid quality.

“Well you know I … Oh, nevermind.” Satou scratched the back of her head.

“Tell me!” I insisted, looking up at her.

“I guess I'm just more used to being the one surprising people, that's all.” She admitted, smile softening from that cool, sleek grin of hers to one that made me feel warm...

 

 

We stared up at that earthy red mountain peak, water, white with icy froth, cascading down from its cave mouth. The faint cries of fun loving but foolhardy souls shrieked as they plummeted down the winter waterfall.

Sei got in my face, grin brazen. “”Hey! Wanna go on Splash Mountain?”

“What? No way, it's freezing!” I objected, giving an exaggerated shivering clutch of my arms and a fake “Brr~!”

Sei threw her head back with a laugh, but then looked me right back in the eye again. “Ohh, you don't wanna see me with my shirt wet?” Neverminding the fact that we're both in winter coats, you say the most outrageous things sometimes, Sei.

“Alright, fine, let's do it.” I said, putting on my game face and walking toward the entrance to the line. I'm calling your bluff, Satou!

“That's the spirit!” Sei said, a pair of slaps rippling through my back, one-two! Catching up to me, we walked side by side to get in line—when a cold wind blew by and chilled our faces. It was so brisk it made me jittery.

We both stopped and looked at each other. “What do you say we don't say we did?” I offered, cocking an eyebrow.

“Sounds good to me!” Sei admitted with a chuckle.

 

 

Packed as tightly as people on a train, Satou and I looked over the heads of the crowd on all sides of us at the costumed dancers and parade floats going down the lane, twirling in vivid colors to a jolly beat. Sei was taller than me, and she didn't have much trouble seeing, but oh the difference a few inches can make. I had to get on my tip toes to try and get just a little better view. Finally I just plain pulled out my camera, held it up in the air and watched. Satou laughed a little. “You're so resourceful,” she told me.

We grinned and we laughed, just like everyone else around us, and when the spectacle was over, the crowd started to dissipate. I grabbed onto Satou's arm. I didn't want to get separated, after all.

 

 

The gondola rocked with each stop and start as other passengers were loaded onto the Ferris Wheel. Satou and I sat down side by side, staring out the window and down over the park. Even only part way up, the view was really something. Only people could make a landscape like this; with mountains and space-age towers side by side with haunted houses and river safaris. It was ridiculous, but delightful... that's how people are too sometimes, I guess~

The sun had already set and the day was winding down. We'd done so much, and sitting on the Ferris Wheel was a nice little break... especially since, for the first time today, it was just me and Satou. It was like we were in a little bubble, floating up into the sky, just the two of us looking at the world below.

I put an arm around Sei's waist and... after a pause, she put one over my shoulder. It was easy to put my head just above her chest, like this and stare out the window, easy to do that and close my eyes. “Hey, you're going to miss the view.”

“But I won't miss this moment of privacy.” I answered, not moving from my spot. This little crook of arm right now was mine~ Haha, or something. It felt that way anyway.

“Do you mind if I smoke?” Sei asked casually. I could feel her moving a little, but not enough to make me have to move much. “Don't worry, I won't get any ashes on you.”

“Go ahead.” I told her calmly. It was calm up here... fairly quiet, save for a cheery little muzak theme playing. Even that played softly. There was a sense of serenity up here in the gondola and yet my heart was so aflutter it was like wing beats of a humming bird.

Flick. An earthy odor slowly began to fill the gondola. I opened my eyes and looked up at Satou, embers inches from the end of her lips. Wisps of smoke left her mouth and drifted through the little ventilation holes behind us. I stared at her for a little while, the pensive expression on her face as she gazed out the window at... actually, I couldn't help but shake the impression that she wasn't really looking at anything at all. It was like that for a little while, the wheel rolling us up and down, me staring at her, her staring at... nothing? She only moved to ash and grind the cigarette into the floor of the car.

“Hey,” I broke the silence when she was done smoking. “What's on your mind?”

Satou was silent for a moment, still looking out the window. “A few things.” Finally looking down at me, the girl under her arm, she asked me a question. “Why did you ask me out?”

What a strange question. My eyebrows curved up at angles, wrinkling my forehead as I looked up at her. Why? Let me count the reasons. “You're smart, good looking, charming, successful, and know how to have a good time.” I said, raising a finger for each reason I gave. “It's a wonder you're still single.”

Satou cast a glance outside, then looked back down at me. “Hmm. Clear, sound reasons.” She said calmly. “I like that.”

I sent a question back at her. “Why did you say yes?”

“I'm not sure my reasons can be as simply put into words as yours.” There it was again. That small, strained smile... it was like it wasn't really smile. It was more a _shadow of a smile_. I wish I knew what it meant. “I just thought maybe it was time.” Sei paused. “Not that it has nothing to do with you. I would have just let most people down easy.”

“So I'm special, then.” I flashed a smile back up at her. “How so?” I nudged her with my shoulder as I pushed that question on her.

Satou's lips were parted just a little as she stared down, her eyes cool as they stared down at me. “You're not like any other girl I know. We're both... playful.” A smile flashed on her face, and—my thighs snapped shut as a hand quickly squeezed my butt!!

I shot up, sitting straight. “Woah, that was _so_ unclassy!” I snapped at her.

Oh jeez, she just started _laughing!_ “Sorry, sorry, too sudden???”

“Pfft!” The laughing bothered me more than the grope! … the grope didn't really bother me that much but damn if it didn't surprise me! Talk about doing things in the wrong order!

Well two can play at that game! I threw an arm around her waist again to get a hand on each side of her chest and give her a good feel!!

“Woah~!” Sei's tilted back from my sudden come back! Then she laughed a little more. “Can you even feel anything through this coat, Tsutako~?”

I could feel her alright! … well a little anyway. “Can you?”

“Should I take it off for you?” Wow, I know she was just talking about her coat, but this was getting kind of scandalous~ That question surprised even me a little, but before I could even come to an answer she removed my hands. “See, we're both playful. But we probably shouldn't go too far. The ride doesn't last long enough for... anything like that.”

“You're right.” I said, taking a deep breath and venting some of these jitters out with an exhale. ”But you're still a tease.”

 

 

And... that was our date. We ate, we talked, we just had a great time, and now that it was night and we were on our way out of the park... it was freezing!! I mean, good thing we had our coats, but my face was cold...! And there was Satou with her long warm scarf all wrapped around her chin.

“Satou, be a gentleman and share your scarf with me, would you?” If she said no, would I have to bust out the puppy dog eyes?

It didn't come to that though. “Ohh, fine.” She said, uncoiling her scarf from around her. Satou's warmth was still on it as I coiled it around me, and it helped a bit. There we were, two girls, arm in arm, a red scarf around both of them. Just like that, we walked to the train station, and just like that, we stood on the train. There were no seats open, though it wasn't jam packed. We had breathing room. Sei held onto the handle bar above our heads, and I held onto her.

The train came to a still, a gust of wind coming as the doors slid open. This was our transfer station. We got off, and... a woman called out, “Sei???”

We both looked over to see none other than former Rosa Chinensis... Mizuno Youko??? She started walking up. Sei quickly unhooked our arms. “... Youko!”

I could tell the moment when Mizuno noticed me. The smile on her face dropped off. She blinked... once, twice, then her eyebrows winced closer together as she looked at the two of us, scarf around both our necks.

There was a brief silence between us, still and quiet on a platform full of noise and people. Mizuno was the first of us to speak. “I see you're busy. … I'll talk to you tomorrow.” Then she gave a shallow bow, and turned around to walk further down the platform and wait by herself.

I had no idea what was going on, and that only served to make this moment more tense and awkward.


	4. Give Her A Chance - Their Story

' _What was that all about?_ ' The way Mizuno just let them be concerned Tsutako. It was obvious to the photographer that she didn't like seeing Satou and Tsutako together.

' _Maybe this was a bad idea after all._ ' Sei was worried. She usually had a hard time getting into Youko's head. She didn't know what Youko was thinking, but it was obvious to her that what she saw stung her.

' _This isn't just a misunderstanding, is it._ ' Youko knew what she saw, and she was rarely wrong when reading into things when it came to Sei. She didn't believe she read this wrong, no matter how much she wanted to.

They all had their own questions and concerns stirring inside of them.

 

***

 

The maidens who once flocked to the Virgin Mary's garden long ago passed through those tall gates with their smiles innocent and angelic, their pure hearts and deep-colored uniforms have passed into adulthood. _Even the ones who drift away from their old friends will still always carry with them special memories of their school days. The bonds and lessons they learned then will always be important in their lives._

Lillians Alumni... eternal maidens.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday!!” Everyone's cheers came out punctuated with the 'bang!' of party poppers. “And Merry Christmas,” a few of the others chimed in. After their shocking chance encounter last night, Youko and Sei were both a little worried that Sei's birthday party would be awkward, but with Yoshino, Rei, Sachiko and Yumi there as well the atmosphere stayed light. The party was just a small thing at Sei's apartment, something of an unofficial precursor to the former Yamayuri Council new year's party. They sat at around table, Sei moving a chair to put herself right between Sachiko and Yumi, just to get at crabby ol' Sachiko. She dealt with it... today, anyway, and like that, they had dinner and dessert, just a nice meal and chance to catch up, but as the party wound down, the first to retire for the evening were Yoshino and Rei, then Sachiko and Yumi … leaving Youko and Sei together by themselves.

Sei had hoped that maybe Youko would leave earlier. Normally she'd have been happy for Youko to stick around, but she wasn't looking forward to... well, whatever might happen. She could never really get into Youko's head too well; for Sei, trying to expect what Youko might do felt precarious, like fumbling around in a dark room.

Youko, on the other hand, had every intention of being the last to leave. She folded her hands on her lap and looked Sei right in the eye, who escaped her gaze by looking away. “Sei, I want to talk to you about last night.”

A part of Sei wanted to flat out tell her, 'I don't,' but she knew that wasn't going to fly. With a few empty chairs between us, Sei glanced over to Youko, shoulders a little slumped. “Thanks for not bringing this up during the party.”

Youko spoke, her voice _uncannily_ even and steady. “Please. I hardly wish to upset you, let alone everyone... I just have to know. What was that last night? Was that... Takeshima Tsutako?” It had been so long, but Youko thought she recognized her from high school.

Turning her head further away, Sei contemplated refusing to talk about this, but bringing her gaze back to Youko, she answered with one word. “Yes.”

“The photographer.” Youko said plainly, fingers laced neatly, _tensely_ on her lap. She looked calm, but it was a smooth veneer laid over a rough uneasiness.

“Yeah. And... yeah. It was date.” Sei sighed. She didn't want to deal with explaining this to Youko, but she had to. Sure... Youko and Sei weren't dating, but Sei knew her relationship with Youko was complicated. This situation was dicey for her friend—no, for both of them. ' _Why is this conversation even necessary?_ ' Sei silently wondered, biting her lip. She knew why, because Youko liked her, that's why, but... knowing why didn't quell the heat rising inside Sei. She just swallowed any scalding words she had.

Taking a deep breath, Youko's laced fingers tightened. “You never told me... For how long?”

Sei's voice jumped up. “It was our first date and I didn't tell you because it _just_ happened, Youko.” She was loud, but not yelling. Her irritation was beginning to boil over. It wasn't often that Youko did, but _no one_ could get under Sei's skin faster than Mizuno Youko could.

Ever so slightly wide eyed, Youko was stunned for a moment. She glanced down, chided, then aside. “... Well, I always have thought you needed to let someone into your heart again.” Youko wasn't sure whether this girl, Tsutako was in Sei's heart, and.... neither was Sei. She may not have been, but... that didn't mean she _couldn't ever_ be. In both girls minds, there existed the _possibility,_ perhaps even the hope, that Tsutako could hack away those deep wood throned brambles caging Sei's heart... but now, looking Sei in the eye, Youko told Sei, “I'm happy for you.”

Sei couldn't believe that. If it were possible for her to believe that, she would have, but it _wasn't._ Finally boiling over in anger, she sharply jumped to her feet and threw her balled her fists down. “Don't lie to me!!” She cried! It wasn't that Sei wanted Youko to be helplessly in love with her... she just... hated to hear her best friend to _lie_ to her like this. “Why do I have to explain myself to you anyway!? It's not like I'm having an affair! You can't tell me what I can and can't do, Youko!!”

Youko grit her teeth for a moment... but quickly tried to smooth over her veneer once more. She met Sei's intense gaze, feeling the anger and... the _fear_ radiating from the woman. Oh, she knew this conversation would have lead to here—nay, _expected_ it would, but knowing that made it no easier. No many how many times they'd argued over Youko's unwanted remarks, it was hard to endure, and yet she refused to break eye contact. “You're right,” Youko admitted, standing up. “You're absolutely right... about one thing. I don't have any right to tell you what you can and cannot do,” Youko conceded, reaching out slowly and putting a hand on Sei's shoulder. Sei winced and trembled at her touch. “But Sei... I'm not lying. I _am_ happy for you, even if it hurts me to finally see you with someone else.”

Tears started welling up in Satou's eyes, leaking out from between lids clenched so tight they trembled. “Why do you have to be so strong!?” She resented it! After all this time, Sei still felt like she wasn't half as strong as Youko, and it made he feel like a _girl_ again! A _girl,_ not a woman... but an immature high school _girl._ “I hate it!”

“I do too... it's not as easy as you might think.” To Youko, being strong willed made it easier for her deal with hardship... but that didn't change the definite fact that hardship was... well, hard. She pulled her hand away from Sei. “I won't push this any further. We both should calm down. We'll see each other soon.” At New Years, at least, they would go to Sachiko's mansion again. “You can always call me.”

There Youko went, leaving it up to Sei... at least, that's how Sei felt about it... and yet, though it was hard to imagine something severing her old bond with Youko, she was relieved to feel as if things were going to be alright. “... Alright.”

Youko left, and Sei took to reading. It was a nice distraction, an easy way to calm herself. Majoring in English Literature, she had a lot of books, many from British and American authors. She was a fast reader, but wanting something easy to consume, she read short stories and poetry. Shakespeare, Poe, Whitman and London, pouring over anthologies she read great works, and the way read them was colored anew with the dyes of her bleeding heart.

Of all that she read that night, a few words struck her in a way they never had before...

> “For of all sad words of tongue or pen,  
>  The saddest are these: “It might have been!”  
>  John Greenleaf Whittier

 

***

 

The next day, Youko, whose new job wasn't set to start until the new year, had lunch with Sachiko. Just Sachiko, no Yumi present. As much as Youko would enjoy having some private time with Fukuzawa, the grande and petite soeur wanted to have some time to themselves. It was lunch at a nice French restaurant, and, at Sachiko's insistence, it was Sachiko's treat. It was a pleasant rendezvous between close, old friends, but eventually Sachiko had to ask. “Are things alright between you and Satou?”

Youko tilted her head just a little to the side. “I'm surprised you noticed.”

Honestly? Sachiko didn't. Not on her own, that is. It was Yumi who, after the party, had mused aloud to Sachiko how odd she found it that Sei didn't sit next to Youko 'like she used to,' and how she had noticed some tension between the two of them. How Yumi had grown... the years with Sachiko had made Yumi more perceptive, and Sachiko wiser. The two really did help one another better themselves.

“Things are alright, Sachiko...” Youko said, her smile faint.

“But.” Sachiko added the word Youko left unspoken.

“I don't...” Youko began, but... stopped. She closed her eyes for a moment to steady her resolve, then opened them again, looking at her petite soeur with clear if wistful eyes. “No. I can tell you.” Youko could tell Sachiko anything. “I haven't ever told you, but in high school, I was in love with Sei. It was quite unrequited, and... it still is. Moving back to Tokyo, seeing her again... it's stirred those old feelings in me.” Youko took a deep breath before continuing, Sachiko listening to her every word... just being there for her, for her grande soeur, Mizuno Youko. “On Christmas Eve, I... saw Sei on a date with another woman. As it would happen, Takeshima Tsutako of all people. Do you remember her? She was a photographer at Lillians.”

Sachiko nodded. “Of course I do. She's a friend of Yumi's. … Ever since Tsutako started working for Sei, she and Yumi have been in touch again.”

“Ahh, yes, of course.” Youko nodded back. It all followed and made sense to her when she thought about it. “I've already spoken with Sei about it. One of our typical spats. It was just like old times...” Youko said, her lips in the slightest vestige of a smile that trembled, as if it were fragile, on the verge of cracking. Sachiko reached across the table to put a hand on top of Youko's and give her a reassuring squeeze. The years with Yumi had made Sachiko into a bit of a warmer woman. “Ever since Shiori, Sei hasn't been able to let anyone into her heart. Shimako was special to her. She loved her, but... she wasn't _in love_ with her. But she _was_ in love with Yumi, you know.”

“I did not.” Sachiko said with blunt disdain and a grimace, eyebrows cinching downward.

“Well it was complicated. She knew Yumi was a safe person to pin her affections upon, because she knew Yumi would be yours before hers'. She was able to love her because, in a sense, she was already rejected, freeing her to live out her idealized tragic romance.”

“You're certain of all this?” Sachiko asked, her terse expression frozen on her face still.

“Very.” Youko nodded. “Believe me.”

“How do you feel about all this? Tsutako and Sei.” Sachiko asked, cutting to the heart of the matter.

Youko paused. It wasn't that she hesitated to share her feelings with Sachiko, but... that she had genuine uncertainty as to her own feelings still... “If Sei _really is_ finally ready to let someone into her heart again, someone who could even possibly love her... I wish it would have been me.”

“Are you going to leave it at that?” With yet another straight to the point question from Sachiko, the atmosphere grew thicker, tenser.

Youko was silent. She... didn't readily have an answer to that. The question was thought provoking. Was she going to leave it at just that?

Before she could answer, Sachiko continued. “Youko. I don't want you to have regrets over this.”

Youko steeled herself and quelled a flinch. “I don't want to push it if it's not what's best for Sei—”

“What's best for you?” Sachiko interrupted, squeezing her grande soeur's hand.

 

***

 

Compared to Sei and Youko, Tsutako's Christmas was... just another day. Really, she didn't even know that it was Sei's birthday. If she did, she would have called at least. Instead, though, she had a talk with her mother. A difficult one, really. Her mother always wanted to know when Tsutako was going to settle down with a nice man. Never mind telling her that she was gay and her mother was never going to have grand children (or, never have biological ones at least), Tsutako didn't know how to tell her mother she wasn't ready to settle down with _anyone._ Tsutako mostly just wanted to have fun... like she did with Sei the day before. To her, romance would go whether it would. If it lead somewhere she didn't like, she didn't have to follow it. It was that simple to her... a casual romance, but like any romance, one with potential.

The next day at work, Sei seemed busy. She didn't have time for Tsutako... at least, that was how it seemed to Tsutako. Busy as Sei was, she could have made the time, but she didn't. After the last few days, she was vulnerable. She wanted a little space. Tsutako, however, was none the wiser. This was just something she guessed she'd have to be used to. Still, she thought about asking someone about Sei... about Sei's love life, about Sei and Youko. She didn't think Susumu would know much of anything, and she didn't want people yet to know she was asking, so she couldn't ask too any people.

Yoshino might know something though, a fact she felt was all but confirmed when she spoke with her over lunch, asking, “Hey. You've known Satou for a long time. Do you know anything about her love life?”

Yoshino raised an eyebrow at Tsutako. She remembered the story about Shiori, and that was enough for her to tell Tsutako, “If you really want to know, you should ask her yourself.”

… So it was that big a deal. That's what Tsutako took away from what Yoshino had to say, anyway. There was something there, and it wasn't anything Yoshino was going to talk about. That really only left Tsutako two options; ask Sei, or ask Youko. Nevermind that she didn't have Youko's contact information, which she could have gotten easily. Youko was the one person who would be harder to ask about it than Sei at this point. But at this point, it was daunting enough that Tsutako swallowed her questions. She could table this for a while longer...

… Which would have been fine by Sei, because, no sooner than after lunch with Youko, Sachiko called Sei to make plans for the evening. For Sei, who had often been a _little_ at odds with Sachiko, it struck her as odd, but she'd agreed. Still, a trying conversation with Youko and Sachiko in a single 24 hours would have been enough for Sei without adding in Tsutako.

Getting lucky on parking, Sachiko strolled into the cafe right on time to find Sachiko waiting. “Yo, Sachiko.” Sei started, trying to be upbeat with a wave.

“Please, sit down.” Sachiko said plainly, gesturing to the seat on the other side of the small table for two.

“Where's Yumi?” Sei asked, glancing around, looking for Sachiko's other half.

“I sent her on a brief errand. I wish to speak with you in relative privacy.” Sachiko explained. Honestly, she didn't think this would take... too long. “Regarding you and Youko...”

“Did Youko put you up to this?” Sei asked, her smile falling flat.

“No.” Sachiko said, her gaze fixed upon Satou with cool, sharp eyes. “I am, however, here for her. Satou... do you love Takeshima?”

“Ugh...” Sei brought a hand to her forehead. “Do I love her??? I've only been on one date with her. How am I supposed to say I love her?”

“Can you love her, then?” Sachiko pressed.

“I don't know!” Hand on her forehead, Sei's thumb rubbed a temple. As far as she was concerned, she did not need Sachiko to play the role of Youko's hound right now! “Yeah, sure, maybe I can!” Sei spat out, throwing her hands in the air.

“But not Youko?” Sachiko's questions came one after another without fail or hesitation.

“No, not... look, Sachiko,” Sei cast that hand on her forehead back down to the table. Bam. “It's complicated. You don't und—“

“Stop being so selfish!” Sachiko snapped at Sei. “It's not fair to Youko. She wants what's best for you. She's put what's best for you before what's best for her. That's why I'm here; to say what she won't. You will not treat Youko so shamelessly! Settle this matter with her! If she can't have what she wants, she at least deserves closure.”

“Fine! Fine! I'll do it!!” Sei threw her arms up, starting to quiet down as she realized other people in the cafe were staring at them. “... When it's a good time...”

Even as she pressed on, Sachiko's tone softening a little as Sei caved. “There will _never_ be a good time. Do it tonight. You're available, she's available.”

Ugh. Sei hated how forceful Sachiko had grown to be. “Let me talk to Yumi first, at least?”

Sei didn't think Sachiko's expression could become any more dour, but she was wrong. “... … fine. Just promise me you'll talk to Youko tonight.”

Sei agreed to it, and with that, she stood up to get herself some tea. She and Sachiko didn't have much more to say to one another right now; when Yumi came in, it was a real relief for the both of them. Standing up, Sachiko told Yumi, “Satou asked to speak with you. I'll be in the car.” Putting on a practiced smile, Sachiko gave a bow to Sei. “I'll see you on New Years Eve.” With that, she left.

With Sachiko gone, Yumi bowed this time. An adult now, she no longer wore her brown hair in pig tails, but still she kept it tied up behind her head in a pony tail. “I'm sorry if Sachiko was hard on you, Sei.”

From that Sei knew that Sachiko had told Yumi about this. “Well, thanks, but you shouldn't have to apologize for her.”

“But, I know that whatever she said comes from a very honest place.” Yumi's brows were arched up and toward one another. For the girl whose expression was always on her face, it was clear to Sei that she was concerned for Sachiko...

… Sei sighed and looked at that sweet girl that belonged to that witch, Sachiko... “Oh, Yumi... don't worry about it. I know she's just worried about Youko...” Having come to an understanding about that, Sei and Yumi talked for a little while with more levity, though there was a slight tugging down at Sei's heart. A part of her wanted to tell Yumi the truth... that the time just before graduation, when Yumi kissed her, when Sei told her that she loved Yumi... when Sei told Yumi, 'Yeah, I say that to all the girls...'

… A part of her wanted to tell Yumi that, unlike for the other girls, she really, really meant it. A part of her wanted to ask Yumi, 'If it weren't for Sachiko, do you think there could have been an 'us' ?' But Sei swallowed those questions and feelings. She knew nothing would come of them. Talking with Yumi, though, that sweet girl so vibrant and simple... Sei really did start wonder if, just maybe, she something could grow between herself and Tsutako, because, in some ways, she thought they resembled one another. In that moment, it became no wonder to Sei that Tsutako and Yumi became friends at Lillians.

“Well, I shouldn't keep Sachiko waiting.” Oh Yumi, always Sachiko this and Sachiko that. Sei couldn't help but be a _little_ jealous. “Youko and Tsutako are both important to me, so I'll be rooting for both of them all the same, so all I have to say is this: Sei, give one of them a chance... because sometimes you never know how things will turn out until you try!”

“Aww, how am I supposed to say no to that?” Sei gave a weak laugh. The former Chinensis family was just a bunch of meddlers, wasn't it. That's what Sei thought about all this.

Yumi and Sei said their goodbyes, and... well, Sei was committed to this now. She picked up her phone to call Youko, arranged to drop by her apartment. It made sense Sei go to Youko; Sei was out already, and Youko was at home. Youko was just a train ride and a walk away; before long, Youko was welcoming her in and serving tea at the table...

Sei stared off out the window for a moment as she tried to decide how to start, then looked to Youko. “I talked to Sachiko...”

Though Youko had just lifted her tea cup up to take a sip, she set it right back down on the saucer. “I see... let me guess then, you're here to continue our conversation from last night.”

“Well, yeah, but... now that I'm here, I'm not really sure what to say.” Sei admitted, putting an elbow onto the table and resting her head on it.

Her posture nearly perfect, Youko sat still. It was Youko who had unresolved feelings for Sei... Youko knew this, and so she hardly could have expected Sei to know where to start. “You know, I had been wondering whether you were finally ready for a relationship. I didn't expect to find out, however, by seeing you with another woman. It was a shock.”

“Ready for a relationship...?” Sei slowly sat back up and shrugged. “I'm not really sure that I am.”

Youko took a sip of her tea. “I see.” She nodded, cup still in hand as she contemplated what Sei had to say. “But you're open to the possibility.”

Sei crossed her arms in front of her and looked away. … When Sei was but a girl of sixteen years, her first love had ended with such a painful parting that she decided, 'If this is what I have to suffer, I'll never yearn for another person again.' But it wasn't that simple. If Sei could turn her beating heart and and still as stone and endure the life prescribed by that wounded vow, Sei would... but... “Youko, I'm... sometimes, I'm just...” She couldn't say it. She didn't want to say it. The words just caught in her throat.

“You're lonely.” Youko said, finishing what Sei couldn't say. Standing up, she started walking around the table, drawing closer to Sei. “You're not ready, but you're lonely.”

“Yes!” Sei all but coughed out with a shake of both hands. “That's exactly it! You're right!” Sei shot up to her feet. “You're **always** right. You get under my skin and up in my head and you read me like an open book, but whenever I want to know what _you're_ thinking I can't figure it out! You know how that makes me feel? What it feels like to not be able to keep a secret from someone?”

' _Vulnerable,_ ' Youko thought.  
“Vulnerable!” Sei screeched.

“Sei...” Youko put her hands on Sei's shoulders. “You know, I often thought, or at least hoped, that when you were ready to let someone into your heart again, that it would be me. That I, who knows and loves all of you, even your faults, would naturally be the one you'd let in.”

Sei brought her hands to Youko's wrists and took Youko's hands off of her... and yet, at the end, one of her hands still held on to Youko's. “Even if we did go out, what would even change between us?”

“We do fight like an old married couple, don't we?” Youko admitted, holding onto Sei's wrist in kind. “But I know in time things would change, and that neither of us would be lonely.”

Sei didn't say so, but she couldn't deny that what Youko said... did sound nice, and when Youko moved to wrap her arms around Sei and hug her, Sei mirrored the action. She mirrored it, even though, with Youko this close to her she felt bare and defenseless, and yet... she trusted her. As much as she didn't like feeling vulnerable, she couldn't deny that she could trust Youko.

Her head over Sei's shoulder, Youko broke the silence with a whisper into Sei's ear. “Do you have Tsutako's phone number?”

“What?” Sei jarred in Youko's arms for a moment. “Yeah...”

“You should call her.” Youko told Sei, letting go of her and pulling away.

Sei ground the ball of her foot into the carpet. “Why? What do you expect me to tell her?”

“I don't know, but she's involved in this, so you should speak with her. Just know, no matter what you say or do, we'll always be friends.”

“... Thanks.” Sei smiled a little. Hearing Youko tell her that took _some_ of the weight off her shoulders. Head held high, she turned around. “You sit down and have some tea. I'll go out on the balcony.”

Stepping out again, Youko tried her best not to watch Sei as she lit a cigarette, took a few puffs, and then pulled her phone out to make a call. She couldn't hear what Sei had to say as she smoked and leaned on the hand rail.

Riiiing. Riiiing.

Standing under the night sky, Sei waited for Tsutako to pick up. Thankfully, she did; the women exchanged greetings, broke the ice with one another, neither immediately posing the questions on their minds.

Tsutako made the first real move. “So, you don't normally call out of the blue. You aren't calling to ask me on another date are you?”

“Well... about that...” Sei trailed off for a moment before taking a deep breath of cold air... and then began to tell Tsutako everything...

That for a long time she'd tried not to fall for anyone.

That for a long time Youko had been in love with her.

That she felt odd telling all this to a girl she'd only been on one date with and whom she couldn't say whether or not she loved.

… Sei explained things for nearly 20 minutes, and all the while Tsutako listened, giving just enough signs that she was listening to not make Sei think they'd been disconnected, and when Sei finally stopped talking for longer than a breath, Tsutako did have something to say. “Of course you don't love me right now. Like you said, we've only been on one date. I couldn't say I love you yet either... but I don't think it's _so_ weird to tell me all this. I'll admit, I'm not really big on drama... if we were just two strangers who'd been on one date I'd think you were bad news and drop you like a hot potato, but we've got history.” Not like Sei and Youko did, but, they did have a history. "I get that Youko's been waiting for a long time, but...”

Tsutako paused, but picked right back up and continued. “... but it does seem like she really wants what's best for you, so why should you have to choose between us right now? You're not sure if you're ready for anyone, I'm not sure if I'm ready for anything serious, and we still haven't hashed out the whole boss-subordinate relationship business. But back to the point, I'm not jealous, Youko sounds pretty understanding, and the fact of the matter is you're not romantically dedicated to either of us. You've been out of the dating pool for years. She should let you play the field a little, Satou.”

“You think she'd be okay with that?” Sei looked over her shoulder and shot a glance at Youko inside. Youko wasn't watching her right now, instead sitting at the table and looking at something on her smart phone.

“I don't know, but there's really only one way to find out...” Tsutako admitted.

“Yeah, I guess you're right.” Sei tossed the butt of her cigarette down and ground it out.

“Keep me in the loop, Satou.”

“Sure thing, Tsutako.”

Exchanging several pairs of drawn out goodbyes, Sei eventually did hang up. Youko looked at Sei as soon she heard the sliding glass door open. “Well?” Youko asked quickly.

Sei blinked as she tried to puzzle together how you put forward an idea like Tsutako's. She didn't know _how_ Youko would react. Dejected? Happy? Angry? But in this moment that bit of unknown didn't make her tense up, no, it drove her forward. She had to see what Youko would say when she said this, and so, she put on a brazen smile, fronting bravado.

Youko shook her head and gave a quiet chuckle. She didn't know what was coming... all she knew was that it was going to be wild and unexpected. That was the look Sei always had when she was going to tease someone... it was a smile Youko had sometimes wished Sei would make for her more often, and that wish coming true made her hum with mirth that eased her tension.

“Youko,” Sei put an arm over Youko's shoulder. “Why don't you _both_ be my girlfriend? We could see where it takes us~”

Youko's hand covered her mouth as she started chortling. Oh how wild that idea was...!!! Her arm over Youko tense, Sei waited for the other woman to say something, anything. Youko's giggles gave way to a crooked smile. She turned and looked at Sei on her shoulder. “Well, I am used to seeing you with other women...” Youko began, with neither a yes or a no...

… but she knew Sei would want a straight answer, and Youko gave it. “I'll give it a chance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading all the way to the end! I know this was a long story. I hope you enjoyed this look into Satou Sei's love life and the future of the Yamayuri Council girls.
> 
> This _is_ the end of this tale, but there are some extras if you're interested~! I've included some little outtake gag scripts in the spirit of MariMite's _Keep it Secret from the Virgin Mary._
> 
> And...
> 
>  
> 
> Dear Shadowblight,  
> Thank you for this unique and unexpected MariMite prompt.
> 
> To be honest, this fic was a lot of work, and not just because it's the longest fic I've written for Yuletide. Sei is such a complex character, Tsutako is largely a supporting character, Youko is downright mysterious seeming sometimes... neither Tsutako nor Youko get episodes or arcs where they stand alone as the central focus. In the anime at least; maybe there's something in the novels.
> 
> But it wasn't just the characters. I like to read and write fan fiction that emulates and captures the feel of the original works, so future fic like this, so distant from the original series... I've never written anything like that before. It posed a challenge for me I haven't faced. I'd like to think I rose to it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story, and that it makes your Yuletide special. Writing this certainly made mine special.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Your 2013 Yulegoat


	5. Outtake 1: Dream Weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it Secret from the Virgin Mary!

Director: Action!!

Yoshino: Well if you'd just tell me what you really wanted to wear for the wedding already we could stop fighting about it! >:P

Rei: But... I know you'd say no... ._.

Yoshino: Don't be ridiculous. I'll hear you out! D:

Rei: ;;>_>... Pretty Soldier Sailor --

Yoshino: No cosplay weddings!! >:O

  


***

  


Director: Action!

Sei: Yoshino keeps flip flopping on whether she wants a western wedding ceremony or a Japanese one. ^^;

Yoshino: That's only because she shot down my original idea. >_>

Youko: Oh? What was that? :O

Yoshino: I wanted her to ride in on a motor cycle, bound chest under a yankee biker jacket, carrying a wooden sword! :DD

Rei: That's Ichigo Shirayuri from Kamikaze Girls! You said no cosplay weddings! T_T


	6. Outtake 2: A New Character For A New Generation!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it a Secret from the Virgin Mary!

Director: Action!

???: Who's that exciting new character and ace receptionist on the scene, listening to J-rock and J-pop as she reads more light novels and visual novels while at work, wearing goth-loli clothes on casual friday!? Is she a kuudere? Tsundere!? >:3c

???: No! Yandere! It's me! Satsuki Rin (殺気　凛) the cold blooded murderess! See? My name Rin (凛) means cold, and my family name, Satsuki (殺気) means murderous intent!

Susumu: Satou Seeeeeiii!! >:O I will suffer this slander no longer! My name is Rin Susumu (凛 皐) ! It's read 'Susumu,' not Satsuki! And _Rin_ is my family name!! 

Sei: Ohh, but you can read it as Satsuki instead of Susumu, and Satsuki Rin sounds so much more exciting! ^^;;

Tsutako: Wait she didn't correct anything else. Was the rest of that true? o_O


	7. Outtake 3: The Lillians Academy Social Experiment!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it a Secret from the Virgin Mary!

Director: Action!

Susumu: You know, everything you've all told me about your old school leaves me with the distinct impression that it was some kind of social experiment aiming to create hierarchical sub/dom lesbians. o_o Was _anyone_ at your school was _straight?_

Yoshino: Well, there was Eriko. o.o

Sei: Yeah, Eriko's straight.

Susumu: -_-; ... a single token straight girl...?


	8. Outtake 4: Who Do You Like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it Secret from the Virgin Mary!

Director: Action!

Susumu: So, Tsutako, just who is it that you like? o_o

Tsutako: Well... it's... it's... Sei! Satou Sei! -*_*-

Susumu: Sei!? But Tsutako, she's _our boss!!_ -O_o-;;

Tsutako: I know! Isn't it _hot!?_ _^^_ 'Ohh, Sei, take me! Take me right now, here, on your desk! Yes! Kyaaaaa--'

Susumu: OH NO! **NO!** FULL STOP! NO FANTASIES ABOUT SEX ON SEI'S DESK! **I HAVE CLEAN THAT DESK!!** >:O


	9. Outtake 5: Sei's Surprise Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it a Secret from the Virgin Mary!

Director: Alright, everyone, hide behind the furniture. In this scene, Sei's coming from to her apartment where you've planned a surprise party. Alright, aaaand... action!

Sei: Ohh, finally, home-- -_-;;

Everyone: Happy birthday! :DD

Party Poppers: *Bang!! Confetti~!*

Sei: Aah!!! O_O;

Sei: ... How did you people get into my house!? O_o;

Sei: o_o And I am not cleaning all this confetti up.


	10. Outtake 6: The Harem End!?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it a Secret from the Virgin Mary!

Director: Action!

Tsutako: Well maybe you could just be a player and date both of us? o.o

Sei: :DD That's a great idea! Hold up a minute while I ask her!

Tsutako: Wait is she just in the other room!? O_o;;

 

***

 

Director: Action!

Sei: Why don't you _both_ be my girlfriend? ^~

Youko: :O Ohhhh. Now I see why you like her. She's into threesomes!

Director: Cut! Cut!! O_o;


End file.
